What's the purpose of standards? Why set them?
"If you don't set a baseline standard for what you'll accept in life, you'll find it's easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that's far below what you deserve." - Anthony Robbins
The quote above perfectly states the importance of setting standards. Even though setting standards are not solely for relationships, they are the most transparent in them.
Everyone has relationship standards. Each person has their limit or threshold for behavior and values, which they are willing to tolerate in a partner. Although people suffer much distress when their partners do not meet their standards, many do not identify their essential needs before entering a relationship, and sadly, some are willing to accept sub-standards treatment and conditions and remain in un-fulfilling relationship rather than insist that their needs be met.
So what keeps people from setting a higher bar?
I believe a common barrier to what keeps people from setting high standards is the fear of losing opportunities to be with a romantic partner. The notion of, "If I set too high of a requirement, no one will meet it, and I may end up alone." But when looking at the nitty gritty, you'll find that relationship standards are minimum requirements (fundamental needs) not a wish list (e.g. 6 foot former baseball player). These requirements are the foundations of the qualities that must be present or not present and failing these requirements might end up as a deal breaker - sort of speak.
And why not??? Everyone deserves a healthy relationship!!!
If you are willing to give the love, affection, respect, honesty, and hard work into a relationship, then you should feel entitled to the very same treatment in return. It is this same sense of entitlement of a healthy relationship that are the baby steps towards one. Once you feel that you are deserving to a quality relationship, then you are free to set and demand relationship standard... after all you are worth it!
These standards or requirements are ultimately things you want in your partner that will make you happy. Think about what characteristics are compatible with yours? What type of person will be good for your goals for your life (-this a biggy)? What do you not want (usually arises from past experiences)? All of these questions should have clear cut answers. From these characteristics you are able to set a standard. After deciphering through all these (do's and don'ts) and finally coming to what qualities you are looking for, the next big step is to employ it.
Do not come down for anyone. Settling for anything lower than what you consider to be the best will only leave you disappointed in the end. There will be multiple chances for compromise later on, once you find a good relationship. Do not inconvenience yourself by compromising your standards before the person has even proven their ability to meet your standards.
By failing to figuring yourself out (finding out those life goals, and setting standards) can undermine any relationship. It would be like the blind leading the blind. Relationships should be a mutual edification. Standards ensure that the relationship is going in the direction of each person's goals, and it helps each person to grow. They encourage the other person to develop into a better person. Standards and expectations are essential to any type of success in life. After all, if you do not set a bar, then how else will you know how high to jump?
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