What are your standards? Roh-oh!

What's the purpose of standards? Why set them? 

 "If you don't set a baseline standard for what you'll accept in life, you'll find it's easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that's far below what you deserve." - Anthony Robbins

The quote above perfectly states the importance of setting standards. Even though setting standards are not solely for relationships, they are the most transparent in them.  

Everyone has relationship standards. Each person has their limit or threshold for behavior and values, which they are willing to tolerate in a partner. Although people suffer much distress when their partners do not meet their standards, many do not identify their essential needs before entering a relationship, and sadly, some are willing to accept sub-standards treatment and conditions and remain in un-fulfilling relationship rather than insist that their needs be met. 

So what keeps people from setting a higher bar? 

I believe a common barrier to what keeps people from setting high standards is the fear of losing opportunities to be with a romantic partner. The notion of, "If I set too high of a requirement, no one will meet it, and I may end up alone." But when looking at the nitty gritty, you'll find that relationship standards are minimum requirements (fundamental needs) not a wish list (e.g. 6 foot former baseball player). These requirements are the foundations of the qualities that must be present or not present and failing these requirements might end up as a deal breaker - sort of speak. 

And why not??? Everyone deserves a healthy relationship!!! 

If you are willing to give the love, affection, respect, honesty, and hard work into a relationship, then you should feel entitled to the very same treatment in return. It is this same sense of entitlement of a healthy relationship that are the baby steps towards one. Once you feel that you are  deserving to a quality relationship, then you are free to set and demand relationship standard... after all you are worth it! 

These standards or requirements are ultimately things you want in your partner that will make you happy. Think about what characteristics are compatible with yours? What type of person will be good for your goals for your life (-this a biggy)? What do you not want (usually arises from past experiences)? All of these questions should have clear cut answers. From these characteristics you are able to set a standard. After deciphering through all these (do's and don'ts) and finally coming to what qualities you are looking for, the next big step is to employ it. 

Do not come down for anyone. Settling for anything lower than what you consider to be the best will only leave you disappointed in the end. There will be multiple chances for compromise later on, once you find a good relationship. Do not inconvenience yourself by compromising your standards before the person has even proven their ability to meet your standards.

By failing to figuring yourself out (finding out those life goals, and setting standards)  can undermine any relationship. It would be like the blind leading the blind. Relationships should be a mutual edification. Standards ensure that the relationship is going in the direction of each person's goals, and it helps each person to grow. They encourage the other person to develop into a better person. Standards and expectations are essential to any type of success in life. After all, if you do not set a bar, then how else will you know how high to jump?


:0)

Word Scrabble: Putting Meaning Behind Words

Why do we use words? 

Even in the earliest of times, people would come together to steer away from the feeling of being lonely, or to help each other hunt and gather food. Needless to say, even in the most primitive days, both humans & animals understood the importance of communication. Out of this need of communicating came about language, which in essence is a complex system of communication.But this blog isn't about giving you a linguistic history lesson. The point of this rambling is, to point out & highlight one of biggest forms of communication- speech (words, sign language etc...)- and it's importance. 

Although body language (gesture, facial expression) is one of the most talked about forms of communication, I'd like to focus on words. 


Why? 

Words create impressions, images and expectations. They build psychological connections. They influence how we think. Since thoughts determine actions, there's a powerful connection between the words we use and the results we get.The enormous power of words lies in the meaning that those words have for you and the significance it has to others. It is important to realize that what you speak should have meaning behind it (substance). What do I really mean by meaning? Well, it is something you should be able to show through action (hence the correlation between words we use and the results we get). It's like the the idiom many of you may have heard, "walk the talk." It's always easier to say you'll do something, than to actually put in the work to accomplish it.I think many times we speak for the sake of saying something and we don't realize the repercussions of our words, which go hand in hand with our actions.

So next time you speak remember to think first, what am I really saying? Are these statements or promises being spoken on the premise of substance or are they just " fluff "? Remember,we get no where in life if we use words without action.Accomplishments are always the result of action,and for that reason it's a better use of our time and energy if we use words in action.  

The Aftermath of "I wanna BE"...Now Twenty Something Years Later

"I want to be a fireman, I want to be a doctor, I want to be a lawyer, I want to be an astronaut, I want to be a singer/model/actress, I want to be...."

   Growing up, I remember being asked "What do you want to be when you grow up" all the time. Now, almost 25 years later, I have come to reflect on this question as I am now considered an "adult." But what really is growing up and what does being an adult entail? My quarter century birthday is coming up and there are still a million things I haven't done, things I feel like I should have done, but somehow never got around to doing. 

  It seems that everyone looks forward to being twenty-one - you're allowed to go to bars and legally drink. Then you spend the next few years being glad that you can go to bars and drink. Twenty-two is alright, Twenty-three is kewl, Twenty-four is fun and then BA-BAM. You turn or are turning twenty-five and suddenly, it's not so cool anymore. I mean what are the perks of turning the big 2-5? Hmmm you can now rent a car without paying more and lower car insurance. This is not what I called  thrilling or a "yippie moment." What I think of is "Oh em gee, you're only five years away from being thirty!!" 

  You start to analyze every aspect of your life. Where is it going? Or perhaps you start analyzing the person you're in a relationship with. Are they the one? If not, why am I wasting my time? I'm almost thirty! What if I'm thirty and all my friends are married and I'm not?!" You think of all the 'you're-a-grown-up-now deadlines' (marriage, home, career, babies, etc.). Chances are by now, you know several couples who are getting married and several couples who have children and you're like "Whoa, I'm no where near there!!"

   You might also start to think about all the things in life that you haven't done yet. I still haven't traveled to *insert country*, I still haven't _____. What about professional life? Perhaps the job you currently hold is great, but  is it something you are passionate about? Do you love your job? If not, then what are you passionate about? 

   Maybe this doesn't happen to everyone, but it certainly happened to me. It's the whole disparity between perception and reality thing that's got me thinking and asking; Where is my magical harry potter transformation into grown-up-ness? Why haven't I suddenly become all those things I thought grown-ups were supposed to be?

   All in all, I think twenty-five is an age where you discover who you really are. What do I mean by that? I mean finding out what we've always loved deep down; that something that makes us different from everyone else. I think as young adults, we know what our passions are, but as we get older we get so caught up in life we forget about it. In high school, most individuals don't really care about things you feel passionately about as you are still in that high school bubble. Then after the bubble bursts and you are out of high school, you might focus about where you're going to go to college or perhaps where you're going to work. You are not worrying about if your current bf or gf is "the one" or if your job is the job of your dreams. 

  But then when you turn twenty-five, you realize you have to think about these things. After all, you're reaching adulthood, which can be quite scary (yikes). In the end, those crazy/daunting questions of "What do I really want to do with my life? And is it too late to do it?" are merely concerns of the unknown. It’s never too late to switch careers, or majors or whatever it is that you want to do. My dad always told me "If you find something that you are passionate about in life and do it as your career, you won't think of it as a job and you will be the very best at it." 

 So for everyone who is going through, or will be going through some sort of quarter-life crisis (or life crisis itself) chaos, my advice is to do a few things: think back on your life and think of the one thing you've always wanted to do in life, something that you are passionate about. And then go and do it. I know it sounds easier said than done, but keeping a positive mentality will allow you to do it. It also helps if you surround yourself with people who support you.  Do what you love, do the thing that deep down you've always wanted to do. If you hate your job, find one you love. If you’re in a relationship that makes you feel like you’re settling, then don't be in it. If you want to travel, then travel! And remember that a positive mentality is the key to success. If you think you can do it, you can. 

  After all, you only live once. :0)

And You Thought It Would Never Really Happen

Ever accomplish something that you thought seemed impossible or hard to attain ? Or perhaps it was going through a hardship(a really bad day/week) and you have felt as if everything might be caving in and yet somehow everything turned out alright? Now when you look back you can say, "Wow, I still can't believe it!"  

Seems like an accomplishment all over again just having to look back right?! 

I remember back in the day, I was in the process of applying to schools and scholarships. In particular, I was eying this really competitive scholarship, where they were only going to chose 5 students within my school and 10 throughout California. My professor suggested that I should apply for it.  Although, I had the grades, and extracurricular activities to give people a good run for their money (no pun intended),  I still couldn't help doubting myself.  I thought to myself, "KapOw, seriously this is almost next to impossible to get! Only 5 students throughout your entire high school (pretty decent size high school, mind you) will receive this scholarship." Although I had that little nagging voice saying that, I still went ahead and applied. Upon graduation, they were going to announce the 5 scholarship winners. I was naturally nervous and tried to prepare myself for the worst (I'm a competitive person by nature). Like everything that you eagerly wait for (remember trying to sleep on xmas eve as a little kid?), it seemed like an eternity! They started by saying a little blurb about the scholarship foundation and then proceeded to announce the winners. My heart was racing and I remember my stomach feeling like it was doing flips.                  "And the 2nd award recipient is....... KapOw!"  As soon as they announced my name, I felt beyond elated and shocked. I remember that I had to take a few seconds and gather myself before accepting my scholarship. It was truly something I was not expecting nor did I think it would ever really happen.  

I think many times, we are without a doubt, our own worst critic. Why? Because no one else knows us quite so well with all of our foibles and faults. This can be impeding, perhaps not shown in my example because I still chose to apply for that scholarship, but what if I had not tried? By listening to those critiques I could have missed out on that scholarship opportunity. 

Within ourselves we have the great ability  to either limit or build ourselves up. We have to learn to become our own fans because there will be times where we will only have ourselves to rely on! So next time you are going through a hardship, push through it because in the end you'll survive it! Remember,  "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay it's not the end" -John Lennon. 

:0)

Top Gun

Top Gun, eh? 

No, I'm not referencing the famous 86' Tom Cruise movie! So, what the heck am I talking about? 

Ever go from being the best to just being... normal? No? Maybe? Kinda? Sorta? Well, let me jog that memory. 

Let's go back to those days in Junior High (Dang, must feel like ages ago)! Some of you may remember feeling as that song goes, "the ish," the last year of Jr. High.  But remember entering High School as a freshmen? Felt like you were starting all over again and back at the bottom of totem pole. You were no longer top gun. Or what about a job promotion? The job you may have been doing for a while seems so much easier than the the job you just got promoted to. Its a transition that can be compared to a big fish who is transferred from a pond to a lake. No longer the big fish in a little pond, but a guppy in a big lake. 

Right before I entered college my boss had told me or shall I say, tried to warn me about this very same situation. He's like, "You may be a great student, perhaps one of the top, but when you get to college that will no longer be the case. You'll encounter students that will posses the same drive and maybe be better than you." Did my butt listen? Psh, no! As a senior in high school I thought I had it all figured out and I thought to myself, "I know what I'm working with and this next level will be a cinch." Cocky, right? Well, at the time I called it confidence, but perhaps it was a combination of both. In end, when I did start college, I quickly grasp that maybe..just maybe he was on to something. 

Both the competition and stakes were a lot higher in college than in high school. This adjustment was hard to adapt to in itself, but perhaps even harder (at least for me) was grasping the idea that I was no longer the best. It came as a big blow to my ego and I remember struggling with that idea to the point where I was in denial at first, and because of this, it took me a bit longer to adjust than my peers. Pride, you can certainly blind us at times! It wasn't until I finally came out of the denial phase that  I started to get the hang of my new environment. 

Let's go back to the fish analogy. When you have a pet fish and it gets too big for its tank, the first thing you would do is switch it out of its small living space to a bigger one. Why? Duh KapOw... one, the fish will be uncomfortable and two, it can die!  Exactly! 

Huh? 

Pretend you're a cute or hot fish (sorry, reminds me of Sharktale and Lola) and have grown accustom to your tank. Although you know you have outgrown your tank and its time to be promoted to a brand spankin' new tank, you may not want too. Why? Comfort & fear.     

It's normal to feel safe and secure with environments and people we are familiar with- home, workplace, family, friends, and even your routine in life! It's what we have grown to feel comfortable with, but sometimes, because it is so gosh darn comfortable, it can hinder us from growing. How? We may cling to the past, people or our routine because we are unsure of what the next step may bring. The uncertainty of the new environment that you may place yourself in may not be as easy or as comfortable as your old environment at first. No one likes to start over and be at the bottom because it means struggling. Heck, everyone would love to always be at the top, but in reality if you don't venture out of your environment and are willing to place yourself at the bottom you'll never grow. It can lead us to miss opportunities and can lead us to take a longer path in order to reach our dreams. 

All in all, although you may want to be the top gun at all times, you must remember that being top gun also means that at one point you were at the bottom (very few start at the top).Yes, it takes time to adapt, and learn and it can be frustrating at times, but keep in mind that eventually you'll return to feeling like a top gun. Like a fish, we too need to sometimes be transferred from a small tank to a bigger one in order to achieve the next big thing!! 

:0)

The Battle Within: Becoming Comfortable in Your Own Skin

You check out of a supermarket, what do you see? Magazines on the rack with headlines reading how to "Lose 10 lbs in 10 days." You plop on the couch after a long day at work/school and start flipping through channels on tv and what do you see? Top ten "Sexiest bodies." Perhaps an infomercials trying to sell fitness DVDs or your favorite celebrities with rock hards abs. We are constantly surrounded by images of what media portrays of the way "hot" bodies should look like; leaving us to think, even if its just jokingly, "Lucky SOB. I wish I looked like that. "  

In high school I always heard of the freshmen 15, but never really thought much of it. That is, until I had gained the 15 lbs freshmen year in college. Throughout the duration of my college years I went to the gym and ate somewhat healthier and I was able to bounce back to my original weight when I had entered freshmen year with ease. 

It wasn't until after college and after my mom had commented on my weight, that I noticed that my metabolism had gone berserk. My clothes were tighter and I just didn't feel healthy anymore. So I decided to go on a diet.I was shocked and even more-so irritated by the fact that the weight was not coming off as easily as it once had. Feeling frustrated as to why it was a lot harder to melt off the weight, I analyzed what foods I was intaking, I cut back on my food portions and started exercising. Although it was hard to slim back down as fast as I could once, I finally did it! But the road was not easy! What did I learn from all this? Well, for starters,  I'm older and my body no longer works the same as it used it. I have to watch what I eat (you are what you eat!) and exercise (yes, complain all you want, but it is really good for your body). Long gone are those years where I was able to eat Taco Bell at 2 am after going out with friends! Now my conversations consist of healthy diets (nutritious foods), new exercise regiments and my favorite back pain management. Oh how times change.  

So besides me growing old, what's the point of all this gibberish? 

Its to be careful during this transition stage. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Is your body image positive or negative? If your answer is negative, you are not alone. Many of us, both women and men are under pressure to measure up to a certain social and cultural ideal of beauty, which can lead to poor body image. When you are unhappy with your body can it affect how you think and feel about yourself as a person. A poor body image can lead to emotional distress, low self-esteem, unhealthy dieting habits, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. Developing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial for anyone's happiness and wellness. Although the media does play a huge role in the distortion of our bodies, our family, friends, and even physicians also contribute to this, with their positive or negative comments. So be careful what you to say to people or in front of people. You never know who might take offense. 

So how can you start changing you body image from negative to positive?  Learn to love yourself when you look in the mirror (go ahead and say yeahhhhh..... I look damn good). And also remember that a healthy body is not always linked to appearance. In fact, a healthy bodies comes in all different forms! Changing your body image means changing the way you think about your body. But  also remember that healthy lifestyle choices is key to a positive body image. Eating healthier will promote healthier looking skin and hair. Regular exercise will boost your energy levels. And of course, sleep! Your body needs a good nights rest! 

In the end, be patient and don't be hard on yourself. It doesn't matter what others think of you, but what you think of yourself. You have to be comfortable in your own skin.  Remember we all end up looking a like a raisin. 

:0)

We Stick Like A Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich

Oh, I could go for one these bad boys right about now! But besides me thinking of food (not a surprise), I was thinking about how friendships are a lot like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

What?!  

No, it’s not the fact that I'm super hungry as I'm writing this, it really is! When you first bite into one of these tasty sandwiches, what do you notice? That uber yummy taste, right? It's the right combination/ratio of peanut butter to jelly. Once you taste it, you appreciate how the two individual ingredients came together to form a great concoction that produces that feeling of "Oooh this is so good, it's drool worthy." 

Okay, I'll stop describing this tasty delicacy and get to the point. Friendship is the same. No, I'm not saying we drool over friends. Well, I guess you can, I won't judge. 

Think of your friends as either the peanut butter or the jelly; whatever you want to classify yourself is up to you :0). Both of you are different. You may coming from different backgrounds, or have different personalities, style, and/or taste. Yet, you still have some of the same commonalities or foundation (that being the bread in our nutritious PB&J). The ending result?                                                                        

Priceless memories of crazy midnight runs to taco bell or getting lost on road-trips, prank calls, or even those purely amusing & random conversation!

Did ya'll take note that in the second paragraph I stated the right ratio of PB&J? If you did, kudos! Because I probably wouldn't have! What do I mean by the ratio of PB&J? Glad you asked! Well, when it comes to friends its not about the quantity but the quality.  I think most can agree that there are friends whom we merely socialize within certain settings and then we have close friends whom we have come to trust. It’s these amigos (friends, for all you non-Spanish speaking individuals) who you can share your dreams with and overall, just pour your heart out to them without feeling scared of being judged. 

I have been very blessed with great friends who compliment me just like a good ol' PB&J sandwich does. I appreciate their differences and their qualities that make them distinct from others. It's these differences which add value and enrich my life. I love learning from them because in essence they make me a better me! And just like a good ol' PB&J, my good friends never let me down! They provide me with those uplifting words and with that smile during those bad days, as well as provide me with the support to continually push myself towards my dreams & goals when I am unsure of myself. 

I think sometimes we can take good friends for granted because they are always there, but its important to let them know of how grateful we are that they stick with us throughout all the good and bad times. Keep in mind that we always want to feel appreciated even if it’s once in a while! :0) 

That said, thank you to all my friends who have continually been there & supported me! I love ya'll! 

Now who wants a PB& J?